Heeding My Own Advice

So it's been a week since I did my talk at Artemis Gathering and I kinda feel like everything is beginning to sink in a bit. Not just the various talks and workshops I attended over the weekend but the talk I presented myself.

I gave the talk based on my own experiences, based on advice I would give anyone who is on their path and feeling lost. I have practical tips on where to go, what to do and at times just let people know that they are not alone. "Not all those who wander are lost", I said, it's something that has stuck with me for a while.

Now we can all be our own worst critic, so it might not surprise you to learn that my feelings about myself and my self worth on terms of the craft are pretty low. I don't know where these thoughts come from, whether it's due to not feeling like I belong in groups or because I don't feel that i have had enough education or learning. I'm sure these are feelings we've all had somewhere along our paths, feeling that we're not good enough. I'm pretty sure these feelings plagued me while I was doing my talk.

Part of my talk was saying about how I felt like a fraud and how I felt like one presenting the talk and giving advice. I don't follow my own advice. I had so many people coming up to me after the talk saying how much it's helped them or how much they connected with it. People were taking things away from what I said, but it's all things that I should be telling myself, things that I should be following myself. And I think that a little bit of it has begun to sink in.

For the first time tonight I truly felt comfortable on my path. I know that I don't do what other people do, I know that I do not work in the same ways and that at times my celebrations can be a bit, lacking. But for me it's perfect. There's nothing to stop me going on and developing it later (again, advice from my own talk), and I will, I know I will. 

I had an important lesson come to me at the end of my talk in the form of one of the people who attended. It was to simply trust. It is something I know I do not do. I was told that I "have the knowledge" and if I just learn to trust then great things will come. But perhaps, perhaps the fact that I am feeling more comfortable with my path I am beginning to trust. It's a long road, it's a part of my path that I think I knew deep down I would need to face eventually, to trust and to believe. 

The lesson came to me again at Barbara's workshop on Walking with the Ancestors, I had to say a blessing on an ancestral plate, I said what I thought I should have said before uttering the words "I don't know what else to say." Barbara told me to close my eyes, not to think and to speak purely from the heart. And I did. What came out I do not remember but I recall that it was more emotional and far more honest than what I had said before. I had to trust that I had the words in there, I still have to trust that the words are in there, that the magic is inside of me,that the advice I give others also applies to me, that I am worthy and capable and that I am not a fraud. 

So I am comfortable with where I am and I trust that I will remain this way, I trust that all the things I have whirling around my head right now are going to come to fruition, that the knowledge I have can be imparted on others and that I can achieve what I want to achieve. I trust in my path, I trust in the God and Goddess that they are doing what is right for me, I trust that they have their own lessons to teach me when the time is right and that I will follow them. 

There was a chant in Barbara's work shop "I am a wise woman, I am a strong woman", I'm beginning to believe that. I just have to trust.

Artemis Gathering 2016 - Sunday - Monday

Sunday

I woke up Sunday morning feeling nervous. It wouldn’t be that long until I gave my first ever talk on Paganism. I decided not to dwell on it, but with everyone asking me every two minutes how it was it was really hard not to think about it.

After the usual get up, breakfast, waking up Sam, routine, we headed to the first talk of Sunday which was a woodland walk with Elm Cloud. It started with a gentleman who had made a moth trap and some of the moths were stunning. My favourite was a Black Arches moth because it was fluffy and just so darn cute! The rest of it Elm went through trees and plants and what their properties were, elements of folklore and other things. It was a lovely gentle start to the day and Elm was as informative as ever, I do like his talks.

At 11 it was to be a talk that ended up cancelled so I had some down time to panic the crap out of myself, look at some stalls and very very slowly make myself to the Taurus lodge where I would be giving my talk.

By the time I had stopped at the tree for the next talk my nerves had tripled. People started turning up and asking if I was there for the talk where I informed them that I was the talk. When the previous talk finally finished I was really beginning to shake. Especially when most of the people from the previous talk stayed! I have no idea of the exact numbers that turned up but I’d say 30 maybe, it was certainly far better attended that I could have hoped for. Some shakes aside, and referring to my paper far more than I had wished to, I made it through relatively unscathed. People laughed at the jokes and I saw a lot of people nodding with what was being said. There was only one question, which was about my deities and it’s something I am going to have to go on and explore myself because it was an interesting notion. People took handouts I had made with book recommendations and tips, there was quite a rush when I said I had a limited number. Some people stopped to tell me that they had connected with what I had said and it made them feel like they weren’t alone. I had others coming up to me throughout the rest of the day telling me the same and even a messages since I’ve got home which was the final straw that made me weep. I’ve had one where someone who attended informed me that they have been inspired by it and taking steps back along their path which for me is amazing. I didn’t think my talk would have had that degree of inspiration or understanding with people. So if anyone is reading this who came to my talk, thank you, once again for coming!

Next was a break to dance with Inkubus Sukkubus who I enjoyed, as ever.  Singing highlights for me were Wytches and The Corn King. Candia also threw me the ivy circlet she was wearing which made my friend Nisha incredibly jealous. It remained a feature for the rest of the weekend and I left it as an offering of thanks to the spirit of the place before I left on Monday. Unfortunately I missed the talk on Finnish Spellcrafting by my friend Tatja as Inkkies ran on a bit but I probably needed the time to chill after anyway. Will have to make sure I make it to her talks next time! I did manage to introduce myself and give her a quick hug as we’ve chatted online quite a bit but never in person so it was lovely to meet her.

Flavia Kate Peters was next with a talk on the Wheel of Fortune. I’ve not gone to any of Flavia’s talks in the past as they seem to focus a lot on faeries which I don’t know how I feel about yet so I’ve always avoided them. This one, I really enjoyed. It echoed a lot of thoughts I’ve had on the Wheel of Fortune and Wheel of the Year already and it’s something I hope to write an article about. We did a guided meditation with drum where we travelled through the wheel of the year spun in random at Fortuna’s hand. It was interesting, the different points of being up and down on the wheel. My thoughts were all over the place and Flavia later told me that she could pick up on my energies and that there was a lot to work through. It gave me a lot of things to think about and work towards as did the final talk on my schedule.

Barbara Meiklejohn-Free is someone I have seen speak before although it was a few years ago now, and last time I was at Artemis Gathering I heard great things from her workshop so I decided, bit spur of the moment, that I was going to go to Walking with the Ancestors. So we trekked into the woods (where I am pretty sure most of my bites came from…) and we started doing a ritual and meditation to the Ancestors. I won’t go into details as to what exactly happened for me but it was a deep connection and there was an important lesson for me at the beginning about speaking from my heart and not thinking which is something someone else had told me earlier. But it was deep and moving and I am not ashamed to say through throughout the connecting with the ancestors I just wept. I couldn’t stop and I have no idea why. But I thanked her and we chatted a little afterwards too. I know I have a lot to work through and a lot of what came from this workshop is what I will be working on or towards.

After the closing ritual, a quick plate of the nicest Tarka Dahl I’ve had, and losing miserably at the raffle, Nish and I made our way to the extremely packed Firewalking Workshop. I have done the Firewalk before but I don’t think that I wanted the outcome deep down. This year I was determined. I did the arrow breaking ceremony that I had done before, but this time I could feel that I was ready to do it. In 2013 I could feel a degree of resistance to do so but this year I went straight into it. I have plans with my arrow to turn it into something else, at least half of it and the other half I am going to put with my current arrow.

With this firewalk workshop we really get to know our fire, we light it with what we’re wanting to get rid of, putting the energies into a candle and placing it in and giving it fuel. We then sprinkle incense to put in what we would want others to get out of it. When we go back later, after learning a bit more about firewalking and the arrow breaking. I made it across the flames three times, each time as determined as the first. I had intentions in what I wanted to walk towards when I arrived on Friday but over the course of the weekend that changed. I have a lot of work to do to get where I want to be but following the workshop I am ready to face anything that comes my way.

There were ghost stories in the marquee afterwards and after shivering though it all Nisha and I decided to head to bed.

Monday

Monday morning is never a joyous occasion when it comes to Artemis Gathering because it means packing up and leaving. After a relaxed breakfast, where friends told me people had been talking highly about my talk, Nisha and I plodded back reluctantly to put everything away. Then it was a quick round of goodbyes before Sam and I headed for the station with full hearts and lighter purses.

In reflection I think I sell myself a bit short. The weekend was amazing and to think that I was part of the people giving talks was spellbinding. I am capable of speaking in front of people, especially when it’s something I am passionate about and can relate to. Knowing that others can relate to it too and take things away makes it all the more powerful.

So to the future, where I will end up doing yet another blog on my thoughts of that but I am going to be so very busy. I’ve already asked if I can go back next year and I’m hoping I’ll be on the schedule, possibly going down a slightly heavier route but we’ll see how it goes.

So here’s to Artemis Gathering 2016, if you attended, I hope you learned as much as I did, if you didn’t, there’s always Witchfest!

Merry Meet Again

Part of my 2016 aims and goals is to develop my beliefs and to develop my spiritual practice. As such I've decided that I want to bring this blog back, to attempt to keep my witchy progress somewhat separate from the general goals of my year. My general life blog is Ink Your Map which has my general 2016 goals and aims and personal developments, if anyone reads this and is interested in that side! Ink Your Map is updated Fortnightly and I don't know if I will be doing that with Witch Ways Now or not, I'm not going to assign myself to set days or a set schedule, I suppose I'll post if anything major or exciting happens or any thoughts that come to me I want to share with everyone.

Several of my goals so far are based off my spirituality, they are:-

1. Get more pagan articles published
2. Fire Walk
3. Speak publicly about my beliefs
4. Read more - Witchy Books in particular 
5. Learn Tarot
6. Practice my spirituality
7. Do the Fellowship of Isis course
8. Do the OBOD Course
9. Go to Glastonbury by myself.
10. Crystal Database Project

So I have a few already, some I've already started to pick up on like writing articles (one getting published so far) and I've started to pick up Witchy books to read and do the OBOD course. Going to Glastonbury is probably not going to happen, I have a bit too much going on to be able to afford that sadly but I can dream! The rest are a work in progress and I want to very much start on a lot of them straight away, where possible.

I am excited about speaking about my beliefs as I already have a talk lined up in August which I will need to write and prepare for. It's the first one I've done like that and I'm excited for it. Also will be doing the Firewalk then too which I am also really excited about doing again!

My only issue is, what if I'm doing too much? What if I am hurting my spirituality but attempting to do too many thing all in one go. I bought the Llewellyn Witches Date Book to plan the Pagan things I wanted to do each week. Last week I did nothing I planned. Well, not entirely true I've managed to touch on the OBOD course but that was on Thursday instead of the allotted Monday. I think I'm pushing myself too early and that I need to step back and figure out what it is I am actually wanting to achieve. It's great saying "Oh I want to read all these witchy books" but how? Do I want to just sit and read them cover to cover? Do I want to spend time over them writing notes which means I might take an hour to read a chapter that would normally take 20 minutes? Do I want to read and then spend time writing notes on the chapter I've just learned? Studying was never really a strong point during my high school or brief college careers, so I think I have a lot to learn as to what is going to be a good way for me to go about doing things. 

I think instead of planning the week I am going to plan the evening that day, I know that things get in the way and that I can't always follow a schedule depending on the plans of those around me but I will try.

The other thing I am going to start doing on here is reviewing the books I read, some will be re-reads as I attempt to get my arse back into things, some/most will be entirely new. I want to read a lot this year. I also need to stop being on my laptop so much over weekends so I can get things like reading done or I will be in the exact same state at the end of this year as I was at the beginning.

So baby steps required right now, especially while we're still in the early part of the year and my enthusiasm is still somewhat lacking. Once we get beyond Imbolc I might be a bit more willing.

But roll on 2016 - we'll see where it takes me on my path and how it's going to change me, because it will, I know it will.

New Beginnings

So New Year is around the corner and now is the time for some resolutions. I've thought about this a bit, vaguely remembering the ones I made last year, not sure just how much I stuck to them to be honest. They were probably the usual crap of losing weight and what have you, I might have had some spirituality based ones but I'm not even sure how much I remember then, it all seems such a long time ago.

I'm getting a head start with them this year, I have been thinking about my goals for next year for a little while now, and I'm not going to call them resolutions because if I call them that I will have failed them by the 2nd January regardless of what my aims were. Though if I've achieved something in the time between 1st January and 31st December then it doesn't count as failing I guess!

My goals for next year, I'm going to leave out the largely personal ones, the reoccurring losing weight one, my hope that I might be able to drive next December or maybe having a different job, who knows. The ones I'll post here are more to do with self.

This year my aim was to develop myself spiritually, and I feel that I have confused myself spiritually more than anything else. I think with the last few months where I seem to have sunk into depression or whatever it was that was causing a funk my spirituality has taken a back seat almost. I didn't go to Witchfest in November like the last two years, it always gives me a boost and a bit of a kick up the arse, and I don't think that's really helped how I've been feeling. I have got a couple of plans up my sleeve to reconnect, and hopefully to improve how I'm feeling too.

Firstly, I'm going to get a camera. I know, huge pagan item that...really natural. What I want to do is to start a Photo Blog, probably on Tumblr, but to go out and photograph nature, to photograph the world around me, document where I've been. The camera on my phone is ok but it's not brilliant, so I want a nice little one that will fit in a pocket in my handbag and be there when I want it to be, to snap a cobweb I've found in the morning due, to snap a bird that's landed close to me, or just a misty morning.

Secondly I want to pick up Llewellyn's Spell-a-Day Almanac. It's not all spells, some of it is just daily devotions, leaving offerings, rituals, occasionally just a snippit of knowledge about a festival you're not aware of on that day. I had one for the past year and kept forgetting where I'd put it, so I didn't get much done with it. But I'm hoping that this time, with enough advanced planning, that I might actually do something with it this year. Something else to keep me connected to my path!

Thirdly, I really want to start to study properly again. How many times have I said that in a blog or forum post I wonder? More times than I could possibly count. I know that I have so many books to read and a course or two that I've got to do. And I'm going to, I am going to set myself a goal of just two pagan related books a month, surely I can do that? Actually, maybe one. 12 books a year would probably cover most of my witchy book case. Provided I manage to refrain from buying any more in between. I started a course through Order of Ovates Bards and Druids too and I'd quite like to be able to finish able to this next year. Means I'm going to have to pull my finger out a bit and do it but I believe I can do it, among everything else.

I know that life is going to get in the way, and I know that I am going to have difficulty somewhere or another with spirituality and not being able to do something or another because of this and that and I really hope I'm not going to get stressed out about it. I would love by the end of next year to be so laid back I'm horizontal instead of being full of anxiety and fear and dread all the time. I'd love it so that I don't jump the second someone from work comes near me with something, so that I don't suddenly panic that I've left the house in a storm and envision all my windows being blown in or somehow I've managed to leave something plugged in which has caused a massive fire somewhere. I'm hoping that study will help me focus my mind and prevent it from wandering constantly. 

I want to practice my crafts, improve with the Tarot, not just one of my decks but the two I have, use my oracle decks more frequently and familiarise myself with those. Pendulums too, now I have three, I'd like to be able to use in different ways to the ways I use them now. Perhaps pick up a new skill, I have a beautiful set of amethyst runes I'm afraid I've barely been near because I've been utterly bewildered with how they work and the ability to learn the symbols. Perhaps something else for the year ahead.

Another thing I'd like to do is have some witchy writing published. I wrote an article for the Witchcraft and Wicca magazine run by Children of Artemis and I hope that I'll be able to write more for them and hopefully have something in the magazine. I might even submit an article or two to the Pagan Dawn and see how that goes! I also want to be able to focus on developing the idea I have for a pagan book that I want to publish someday in the future, although I know it's not going to happen in 2014, I'd like something with it to happen, whether it's research, developing techniques, learning new ones. 

There are more events I want to go to next year, The Artemis Gathering and Witchfest are definitely on my list, regardless of what else is happening, I might see if I can take myself on a trip or two with some other folk to places like Glastonbury, Avebury and Stonehenge.

Lastly, I want to take up meditation. Again, part of the developing myself, helping myself through the anxiety and depression I've been suffering. Help myself to be happy again and focus my life on the tasks that I want to complete and succeed in. Even if it's only 10 minutes a day it's more than what I'm doing now and gives me the chance to have some from of me time, even if the rest of my time is taken away from me.

There is a bit of work to be done before the 1st of January where I start all this, something I'll look at over the course of the weekend and when I get  home, I also plan to take myself away on the 31st December to spend a gift voucher I have for Waterstones and to get my camera. I might even pop into my favourite shop Zen too and see if I can pick up a witchy thing or two (undoubtedly crystals...)

So here's to a happier me for next year, a more spiritual me and hopefully a not too worn out me!

See you in 2014 x

Artemis Gathering 9th-12th August 2013

It's been a while since I went near my blog, for various reasons but I'll go into them separately another time.

This past weekend I have been at the Artemis Gathering which is run by The Children of Artemis which holds a host of Workshops and Talks and events and its fab. This was my first year and I really didn't know what to expect, I had been to their other event Witchfest but I was told the Gathering was quite different.

The weekend got off to an interesting start when I ended up camping with friends Tom, Hannah, Hywell and Kevin. Kevin is a speaker at COA events and camping with him meant we ended up camping with some other speakers. Mostly initiated Wiccans who were really interesting and made for interesting listening for most of the weekend. They also ran the rituals that were heard at the event. That night was full of conversation, making friends early on and the beautiful music of Cephlalodidge and Damh the Bard. I'm already a massive fan of Damh and it was lovely seeing him play live again!

So the first day the first thing I attended was a talk on Oils, Incense and Brews. Not mediums I have really worked with beyond stick incense, but it was interesting. We got to make our own oils and after looking mine up I have noticed that their attributes are very relevant to an issue that I have at the moment, so that was a massive bonus. I've called it Artemis Oil after the weekend.

Next I went on a nature walk by Tylluan Penry. Now I am a massive fan of Tylluan's work, I have three of her books (although admittedly not all read), and I've gone to many of her talks in the past. The talk was interesting as she actually asked us what we would use individual plants for and pointed out that we don't all use them for the same things and that that is absolutely fine. There are, I'm sure, many who would disagree with that and that X plant has X attributes and that is that. Anything else is nonsense. She brought light and laughter to the talk too which was brilliant. I feel like I've learnt to open my eyes a bit more too!

Then came what was advertised as the opening ritual. It turned out that the opening ritual was the handfasting of Merlyn and Cath who run Children of Artemis. It was beautiful and I feel so blessed to have been included in the ceremony. It was overseen by Tam Campbell, a man I hold in high esteem as he damn well knows what he's talking about and is willing to help others. A lot of the speakers were involved in this as well and it was beautiful seeing them all come together. I wish Merlyn and Cath every happiness in their future and that the God and Goddess bless them many times over!

After a short break and vaguely listening to most of the ritual team again in Meeting the Witches I headed for three hours straight of Tylluan Penry. It made my bum most numb as I was sat on the ground but she had lots of interesting things to say from Magic for finding a Phallus and losing it again, writing and on creating a personal mythology. As ever I learnt lots from her and have bumped Stephen King's On Writing up my reading pile. I hope I have the opportunity to work with her in the future on writing and possibly a book.

The rest of the day was taken up with food, a burning dragon, a slight near injury experience, good company and a relatively early night and might have actually got some sleep too!

Sunday brought one of the best workshops for me. Jane Meredith spoke on The Dark Goddess and myths and how she can touch our lives. It was really really interesting and  I really enjoyed it. A lot of it was a doing workshop, and we connected with others and looked at the dark aspects from our past etc. It was very opening and trusting. We also came face to face with the Dark Goddess in another later part of the ritual. The dark aspect of the Goddess is not one I have worked with but I think I might as it's a really interesting look at another side of my spirituality and also at myself and the moments where I have actually probably come across her without knowing it and knowing I can connect with her to get out of those moments. I bought her book later on which was kindly signed for me, and I spoke with her and she is a lovely lady. I look forward to reading it. I will probably do a more in-depth blog on this workshop later.

After yet another break, unfortunately missing Kevin's talk on Energy Work Based Healing due to Hannah and Hywell leaving early I headed to Steven Ward's Intro to elemental ritual work. In that he did a brief talk and then we did a ritual of what was basically the Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram. It was interesting as I've never done one before, it was quick and easy and it was a really nice thing to do.

I went to another talk by Pandora who did the one on Oils, this one was on Talismans where we created our own. I'm not so happy with mine but I know I can make another one! The information was given to us in an easily readable format so will be working on this in the future.

After a dinner break was the closing ritual. Once again I really enjoyed this, being with people who are all on similar paths working towards one goal was beautiful. The woman who lead the ritual seemed a little nervous to begin with, I am guessing it was her first on such a large scale but she did it wonderfully. At the end of the ritual we were each given a crystal as a memento, we had done a spiral dance to put energy into it to take away it was was brilliant. I ended up with mine in my bra until about Monday night so it now has a lot of personal energy in it too.

Then was the one thing I really wanted to do and was really looking forward to. The Firewalk Workshop. It was run by Oona McFarlane, a lovely Scottish lady who I could really connect with. The only things I have seen about firewalks have involved a lot of mental preparation before hand in an almost self hypnosis kind of way. Now imagine by "delight" when Oona said she didn't do that and that yes, we would be walking over hot coals, not imagining that we're walking over cool wet grass. Gulp! The first part of the workshop was a bit of a talk about how she got into fire, then we had a walk up to start the fire and putting in it things we wanted to be rid of or putting love and joy into it. And I can tell you, that fire was hot!! We threw incense on it next for another part to work towards or to gain from the fire such as peace, knowledge etc. The incense was amazing and I'm definitely going to need to get the recipe! We headed back to the lodge where we had a bit of paper and wrote down our goals, our vision of what we would be walking towards as we crossed the coals. Then came the arrows. The arrows were something to break through, with our necks. It was an odd thing to watch but when I realised there was no harm to come from it, I went and broke my own arrow to overcome aspects I don't like about myself. Then we headed up to the fire. It had burnt away a lot by now, and as they raked the coals I kinda wondered what I was getting myself into. I wasn't even sure if I was going to do it at that point but when I saw a friends 12 year old daughter practically dance across, I thought "well, why not." I walked the coals three times. And I got such a buzz from doing it. Definitely doing it again next year!

The night was filled with more socialising and a very late night. In the end I got 4 hours sleep on the last night. I went home exhausted but full of so many memories and laughs, knowledge and enlightenment and spiritually awakened.

Only 88 days until Witchfest in November when I hope to meet many of the same friends again.

Witchfest 2012

This year saw me attending my second ever Witchfest. I wasn't sure what I was expecting this time around, I was going on my own for one, meeting people when I got there, both people I knew and didn't. I wasn't sure on the sessions I wanted to go to, and I was anxious that tiredness levels would come into it soon and that I'd have to go early which actually saddened me as I wasn't going to see Damh the Bard :(

Once again Witchfest was an experience that has left me feeling more knowledgeable in some aspects, though largely in aspects of myself. I know that I don't like the complications that can be found on the pagan path, I don't like the whole idea of ritual. It's only something I've ever done once in my life and I felt really awkward so I decided to not do it again. But then I didn't really know what else I should be doing and I never really took the time to sit and look at what I actually wanted to do and how I actually wanted to practice things.

My path kinda went stagnate. I go through so many phases where I feel witchy but I don't really know what it is I am actually after. I might have decided the core of my beliefs but I rarely practice anything and do feel somewhat foolish standing with my hands above my head...

So what I learnt this year was simplicity. I learnt that things don't have to be complicated. All I need for a spell is to raise some energy, charge a candle et voila. Done. I  learnt new ways of doing Magick by moving, largely based on group exercises but I found things in there I can implement myself, interesting ways of casting circles of raising energy and of doing things with kids...when the time comes. I found confidence within me in the latter workshop which was the Moving Magic one as I volunteered for things, I was in the class on my own with no one else I knew. I Volunteered to be a quarter at the dispelling of the circle and I really enjoyed it. Group working has always scared me, or at least the idea of it as I'd never done any group working until yesterday. I think because it wasn't a formal ritual with a huge altar and tools and what have I didn't feel too pressured that I was going to fuck something up.

I did witness a formal ritual, or as close to one as I'm going to get with the closing ritual to the festival. There were proper parts and concencrating and circle casting (kinda...) and blessings to be given and received. It was wicked and I really enjoyed it too. I have, however, been going around telling the Husband I can't do things because I am an anointed one. (I got anointed with oil as a blessing on the way out of the ritual) I don't think he's falling for it sadly.

So as with last year I bought me pretty things, I took £80 to the fest but I didn't end up spending it all oddly, although even odder was the fact I was struggling to spend it! So in the end I bought...

• Some Crystals: I bought Lavendar Quartz, Zebra Jasper, Mixed Tigers Eye, Blue Aventurine, Amegreen, Fire Agate, Blue Moss Agate, and Seftonite
• Damh the Bard's Antlered Crown and Standing Stone Album.
• Tylluan Penry's Staying on the Old Track,
• Spirit of Albion Movie (http://www.thespiritofalbionthemovie.com/)
• A Green Ceramic Leaf Bowl (www.etsy.com/shop/embervincent)
• A Book of Shadows (http://www.thewitchescottage.co.uk/)
• Two pairs of earrings, one Garnet and one Amethyst.

Pretty good haul I think :) Impressed everything and can't wait to get into my Book of Shadows and do work in it. I do feel a bit apprehensive with starting it as it's technically my first, although it's slightly imperfect so I'm going to try not to worry about messing it up!

Can't believe it's all over again for another year. I loved every minute of being there, of opening myself up again and being with friends. Roll on next year and the Artemis Gathering :)

The First Step

So this is a little later than I had anticipated, but I have finally re-read my first two books!

Since my initial blog on starting again I have managed to read Scott Cunningham's Wicca: A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner and Doreen Valiente's Natural Magic. The latter took a little longer to read than I would have liked due to time and other things going on but I finally managed to finish reading it. As I said, these were the first two books I ever read on Wicca and Witchcraft, and I find it easy to see where my beliefs fall within these two books. Firstly, my spirituality comes from Wicca, my belief in the God and Goddess I firmly believe I got from Mr Cunningham's works. What I got from Doreen is what I believe Magick should be. Although I believe she did have some form of ritual (though not evident in Natural Magick) everything seems to be far more back to roots and some serious old style magick.

Natural Magic looks to folklore, old correspondences and old beliefs. I suppose I like the fact that this feels like a more traditional path, one of old. It covers many topics  from weather magic, to colours, elements, herbs. It even covers the second form of divination I ever practiced, using playing cards. (The first was dominoes for anyone interested!) This magic is very homely, it's the kind of information you'd expect your country residing Grandmother to know just off the tip of her tongue, just because she did, and it was the kind of thing everyone knew. It's not necessarily a book for a beginner but at the same time it's a nice introduction to the ways of magic without being bogged down in the more modern Wiccan trappings.

Scott Cunningham's Wicca: A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner is where most start their path. I can see how this book makes Mr Cunningham "immortal" as I have heard many claim he will be. As the first book of this kind I can see why it was so popular, it was everything everyone wanted to know about Wicca and made it so accessible  This is what made me fall in love with that path, I love the knowledge of the God and Goddess and the information on rituals and the Book of Shadows at the back with the chants and recipes. I didn't know it could be so exciting, before all I really knew was what I could find on the internet and a lot of that was dubious at best. Having re-read it this excitement was exactly why I came to my path, and it is exactly why I've stayed on it. I bought this book and read it for the first time over 7 years ago, and I know my path has changed from this, my initial path. Though retrospectively it has started my interests in many things and they have changed me for the better.

When I initially came to Wicca I was going through a difficult period of my personal life. The spiritual practice I follow, although little means so much to me. It opens my heart and my soul and I feel alive. I enjoy being alive with nature. Although I feel as though I have had some time away and rediscovering my path this way has already made me feel more connected with everything again.

Saturday the 17th I'm going to Witchfest run by Children of Artemis. This is my second one, last year I had some eye opening experiences but I think that is for another blog. I can't wait to be around people of similar beliefs and to attend talks I hope with enrich my path and practices. That and go shopping of course! I'm looking forward to meeting old friends and new ones, and feeling like I belong. Something I feel too infrequently.

My current read is Wicca: Magickal Beginnings by Sorita D'Este and David Rankine. This isn't a re-read, I got this book on Kindle earlier in the year and it's been staring at me for ages, I now also have a physical version which doesn't seem any less formidable! It's a bit daunting in chapters (I'll post again when I finish that one as I feel it needs it's own post!) but I feel that what I've read so far really helps me with my path. Looking at it from a historical point of view and trying to figure out where everything has come from has been quite an eye opener for me so far. Still have lots of it to read so more of that later!

Blessings )O(

Connecting with Nature, or Why It’s Important To Hug Trees

Nature is all around us, regardless of whether you are in the middle of the countryside or in the middle of a city. Admittedly, it is easier to see in a park or in the country than it is in a big city, but it is always there, whether you can see it or not. Part of the ability to see nature everywhere comes from being connected with it. In this twenty first century, with its expanding settlements and waves of technology, people are becoming more and more distanced from nature and unable to see the wonders she can bring, even if they like on their very doorsteps.

Pagans, you would think, would be the last people to be disconnected with nature, with their Earth based religions, moon worship and appreciation of our ancient lands. Though this is not always the case and I find pagans too can be prone to disconnecting from nature from time to time due to life stresses, family commitments, work etc. Over time I have become disconnected for these reasons, moving from the country to busy towns however, was the first thing to block me.

Coming from a village where I was surrounded by fields, with a stream at the bottom of the garden, surrounded by hills, the concrete world of a busy town was completely foreign to me as a place to live. Although I passed through parks to get to work, would occasionally marvel at squirrels, and delight at the colours of spring and autumn, something wasn’t right. The nature didn’t feel accessible to me although it was always within reach. I couldn’t see the stars at night due to the light pollution, I daren’t wander around barefoot in fear of treading in some errant dog mess and I’m not sure I could have even brought myself to hug a tree. I’m not sure things got much better initially when I moved to my next concrete based prison, though this place had something different about it. It had history, and that history left a beautiful energy.

I soon felt a pull, towards parks, with rivers or wild places, cared for enough I could go barefoot, sit against a tree and feeling that energy seep into me, feeling that almighty love within I used to feel when connecting with deity back home. Empowered by both the energy of the ancestors of this place and the energy of nature. This energy changed me, from the dark, woeful girl of my teenage years in to something much happier and loving, in only a year I had changed dramatically. And it was in this concrete town, with its various energies I first saw the God in the way he wished to be seen by me. Now that was a magical moment! I now see nature everywhere, even in the busiest of places, be it a single bird song above the din of traffic, a spider making a web in a shop doorway, the smell of weather turning or even just the chill of winter frosts. I smile at each of these things in turn and feel that love in my heart that lets me know that deity is there, my God & Goddess by my side, still surprising me.

Through this I learnt the importance of nature. I now know that having a physical connection to nature is vital to human beings.

One day, not so long ago, I was walking through a small church garden on my way to work. The garden was empty, save a few birds and the odd squirrel. There were trees surrounding me, grass and bushes, but I felt very disconnected. I felt as though they were out of reach, there but no there. I craved the touch of them, I wanted to walk barefoot in the grass, touch the trees and the flowers. Embrace it. I craved it, I needed it and I believe it’s a connection we all need. How many of us can say we’re in touch with nature daily? Even weekly?

There are many ways to start, connecting with nature. I believe the best way is to go to a park, perhaps a quiet corner if one can be found, and sit under a tree, pressing your back against the bark. Close your eyes and let the energy from the tree and the Earth embrace you. You will feel more relaxed with every breath you take. Pay attention to the noises you hear, how many different birds are there? If the wind is blowing listen to the whispering of the trees and let them ease you into this meditation.

It has been proven that “tree hugging” increases happiness, being in nature increases happiness. This physical connection not only increases your happiness but it allows deity into your heart. It allows you to feel your God and/or Goddess by your side. That overwhelming feel of love, personally, puts me on a high that lasts for ages.

Without nature and without the contact and feeling the energies I would be a very different person to who I am today. So take ten minutes, five if it’s all you have. Go outside, sit with nature and let it truly surprise you.

Starting again...

It's been a couple of months since my last post, I know, I'm sorry. Life has been kinda crazy the last little while so I haven't been able to focus on any aspect of my path too much, but this is where this entry comes in.

There is always one thing I regret with my spiritual path, and that is the lack of writing I have done. I love writing, but when it comes to my path I will write about 4 pages in a notebook, maybe copy the Wiccan Rede then something else will distract me. Possibly a sign that my heart isn't in it or that it's not the right time for me and that kind of activity.

Last night I watched on youtube Pagyptsian's "All of my BoS's!" Watch Here! She decorates her journals beautifully, not something I could do, but she keeps referencing how important it is to have this record, and how to look back and see how much spiritual practices have changed and how beliefs have changed. I know for one thing that when I started out in Wicca it was the spells that drew me to it first, and they are now the thing I do least in my practice, I also know I've decided I'm not Wiccan but I don't have the documentation to go back to and read to see when or why I decided I wasn't necessarily Wiccan, was there some event that happened that made me stop following that path? I don't have records of the very few times the God and Goddess have actually communicated with me, although I remember them clearly, having them in my spiritual journal or book of shadows or what have you would be a nice thing to look back on and to show my children if they chose this spiritual path.

Sadly, I don't have a TARDIS so I can't go back and tell myself I'm doing things wrong, so what can I do? I could write a retrospective view which I have done in the past, probably missing large bits out where it's all a little bit sketchy in my mind. So I've figured that the best thing for me to do is to start all over again. Almost wipe the last 10 years out and go back to the beginning of everything.

So I'm going to start reading my beginning books again. I'm about to start Scott Cunningham's Wicca: A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner, and I've order Doreen Valiente's Natural Magic, as that was my very very first book in Witchcraft. And reading through these books I will take notes on how I feel on various aspects contained within there and which I apply to my spiritual beliefs and which I don't and why. I will do small rituals and spells and note success and I will once, and for all, learn to read the Tarot.

I think one of a lot of pagans fears is being accused of being a fraud. It's ridiculous I know, but it's something I fear because I don't have a set practice. I don't spent every full moon doing rituals, if anything I'll just stick my head out the window, blow a kiss and be done with it. As I said, I don't do spells, not really. I am too scared of things going wrong to actually do one, but I know if I actually sat down and read about them and wrote notes I could evaluate my fears and over come them. So I might feel less of a fraud if I actually cast a spell every now and then, and I know it's not all about the witchcraft side of stuff, but it's something I want to do.

When I have read books I'll try and post up my thoughts of them up here. Might do a couple of books at a time so I won 't rush you suddenly with lots of posts. If anyone has book recommendations please comment, I feel I have a somewhat restricted library, and I am always looking to expand it!

Until next time,

Blessed Be!

The Witch's Study

I've always found it difficult to develop my path. For someone who was scared of practicing until fairly recently, development is usually the last their mind.

As I said I have studied some form of paganism on and off for about 10 years. A large portion of that time I was living at home, or staying with other people and I never felt comfortable enough to start with an altar or practicing properly. When I finally had my own home with my husband it took me a good long while before I decided to have my own little witchy corner in the spare bedroom. Something I only set up last October. After I had got married I had sworn to myself that I was going to start studying properly and firmly set out my beliefs.

It never really happened, though I do have a better understanding of my beliefs, I feel it's more that my beliefs aren't not what they are. It's something I really want to work on, and I know I really need to give myself a kick up the bum study wise.

But where does a girl start? I suppose if one is looking to further their beliefs they should start with their basics and go from there. Which is a sound practice in theory, I can blog all my results here. But I think that my problem is that I require some kind of structure to my study, and I have no idea where to find it.

I have books that are set out in a "study" format, one is a Wicca Introduced Course which I'm not going to do, as I know that Wicca isn't where my path lies. I have got the First Degree of Witch School's Cornelian Tradition, and I know they offer basic student courses on a number of topics, so that might be worth looking into.

I also have Kate West's Real Witches Craft which is magical techniques and guidance for a full year of practicing the craft. Then I have access to other sources of free courses for herbs and tarot, and I have my crystals I'd like to learn properly too.

I think part of my problem is that I lack direction. I know what I want to study its just the how and the when. I can study fine for a week, but the next week I'll be distracted by something shiny on the internet, so how on earth do I stick to it?

I'm going to buy myself a notebook, to those of you who know me, this might not come as a surprise. I am a bit of a notebook addict, the prettier the better. I like taking notes, so I'll sit and take notes throughout my studies and try and post something a bit more coherent on here, show that I am learning!

If anyone has any topics they can suggest for something "different" then please do, or any sources for studying would be brilliant!

Best come up with some kind of schedule I guess...

The Broom Closet

The Broom Closet is a place in which many pagans and witches reside. Not physically, for those who might be a bit confused, the Broom Closet is a figurative term. I can’t imagine broom closets are particularly practical places to stay in, for many a reason. The broom closet to pagans is as the closet is to the LGBT community. The notion that someone has stepped out of it is usually quite a big deal. Either it means that they feel their family and friends are accepting of their beliefs and path, or they have accepted that their friends and family will condemn them to a life of misery for their “satanic” ways. It can be quite a difficult thing to approach in one’s life, particularly the growing teen pagan community.

When I first picked up Paganism I was about 13 or 14, probably after watching something on TV like Charmed thinking “I could do that”. Alas, I still haven’t found the method of setting blue sparks out from my fingers or even how to freeze time, but I’m working on it. As young as I was there wasn’t anything out there for me to read, so I went to the internet, as many young pagans do. I don’t recall what the website was but some of the contents was not particularly friendly. After reading this website for a few weeks my brother made comment that he’d seen that I’d been on it, and he was going to “tell on me” and I was going to be in trouble. Swiftly, I stopped visiting the website and all went quiet.

A little while later I went back to the internet, and joined some communities and engaged in conversation and learned. I had at this point “come out” to friends, some accepting, some just thought I was downright weird. Oddly, the ones who thought I was downright weird were the ones messing about with tarot cards. Pot, kettle. There was one girl in my English class though who was Wiccan, and she loaned to be the Idiots Guide to Witchcraft & Wicca. I never did finish the book before she wanted back, but it was brilliant. I loved it so that when I had money of my own, I bought my own copy.

I didn’t properly come out to my parents. I think my dad has his suspicions due to me desperately wanting his Doreen Valiente book, he nearly gave it to me but due to a section on “sex magick” he decided I should wait until I was older. I got the book about an hour after this exchange as he didn’t exactly hide it very well.

I probably owe a lot to my dad about my belief. He introduced me to start-gazing, told me stories of myths and legends. My father loves the Green Man and moon gazing hares. I suppose he probably got me onto magick in some way or another too, wishing on stars etc, deep down that is a kind of magick. So I have a lot to owe him. However, he also showed me scary programs like “Strange but True” when I was little and I’ve never quite got over some of the things I was shown. I shall never walk through wheat fields on my own now or run downstairs with the lights off. You never know what might be awaiting you.

I moved to England from Scotland when I was 18, although it wasn’t official for a while beyond that. Having the freedom from my family allowed me to explore further, buying books on different aspects of the craft, writing notes. My boyfriend, now husband, was aware I was into it, though didn’t and doesn’t believe. He left me to it. Happy enough for me to do what I was doing. It’s remained that way, which makes me happy.

My husband and I married in August last year, a few days after Lammas. We had a pagan ceremony, which, when discussing the wedding with both sides, I mentioned with caution. Both sets of parents, fortunately, were really interested. So it was settled, handfasting it was. I don’t really know what I was expecting when I came out, my parents aren’t particularly Christian, my husband’s parents are Catholic though no longer practicing. They all loved the ceremony (including my somewhat Christian Aunt), and I had the wedding I’d always wanted.

Fear is what probably stopped me coming out properly, and from coming out for a long time. From the moment I knew I was pagan I felt persecuted. From friends at school turning from me to a lady at work actively trying to convert me to Christianity after I had come out at work. Although I am proud of being a pagan, I am still very careful who I mention it to. If no one asks, I don’t tell. Simple as that. It’s a difficult thing to gauge, you don’t know how someone is going to react. Someone could go way over the top and want nothing to do with you, others will just going “Well, that explains everything.” Trust me, it’s happened.

If anyone is reading this who hasn’t “come out”, I wouldn’t say hide it. Unless you are really scared that something is going to happen to you, don’t hide it. Paganism is becoming such a huge force out there at the moment, and although there are still persecutions, no one is going to tie you to a stake. Let coming out be your choice, not that of someone else, you will know in your heart that it’s something you can do. You might be surprised with how accepting people are, I know I was. Also, if you’re a teenager you might find that everyone will accept it as a phase, as “one of those things”. The only thing I will say is do not lie. If you don’t want to put it in words, then put it in writing. I’m rubbish at speaking but I find a good letter gets your views and opinions across, and you don’t even have to be in the same room!

If anyone has any questions for me, on anything throughout my blog, drop me a question via comment and I’ll be more than happy to respond to you as I can :)

Blessings )O(

Introductions and My Path

I have wanted to start a blog on my path for a while, mainly to encourage me to get out there and experience it more than anything. It’s a bit too easy to say “yes, yes, I believe this” without really knowing if I do. I’m a lazy pagan and I won’t deny it. I think the closest I get to pagan practice these days is fiddling about with crystals or occasionally gazing at a tree. I’m not really a big one for rituals, either sabbat celebrations or a three hour endeavour to cast a spell (thought I could have been doing something wrong there). Neither am I a “doer” I don’t create or make, or cook particularly, or produce salves and potions or charms. I suppose there are those of you reading this going “So just what do you do?” and I should tell you.

I am pagan. That I think I have known deep down for years. I’ve been studying various aspects of paganism for the better part of 10 years. As a teen I was drawn to Witchcraft and Wicca, as one is, and was determined that that would be me. A lot of it seemed right, and even if it didn’t I accepted it anyway, after all, the man in the book said so. I didn’t know at that time that paths were explorable, interchangeable and least of all experiential. I had one book that took everywhere with me, Scott Cunningham’s Wicca: A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner. An excellent book for the beginning Wiccan, it was the first book I read properly on the path of Wicca, the other being Natural Magic by Doreen Valiente, a hand me down from my father. It introduced me to magick, I saw the simplicity of it, and that was what drew me to the path. Simple magick? Yes please! When I picked up Cunningham I had pretty much left Valiente behind, I felt that Cunningham was the religion side, not Valiente, and that was what I wanted. So I read it, and read it, but I never practiced. There was a fear within me that I was going to do it wrong. Of course, being on my own and with no one to talk to there was no one to tell me that I wouldn’t do anything wrong. What happened would happen. And I wish I had heard of some of the funny ritual stories I’ve heard now then, I might not have been so worried. I felt like I had done one year of Wicca about seven or eight times before I grew fed up. I was more active with online discussion forums and blogs piquing my interest, but I still wasn’t practicing. I was still scared. I had even toyed with the idea of moving to Druidry as it seemed less complicated (that didn’t pan out either). So I got stuck until Tylluan Penry’s Seeking the Green came to me. It was reading that I realised that I didn’t need to do the rituals or the magick if I didn’t want to. One of the wonderful things about paganism is that there are so many different paths to choose from, and if one of those doesn’t fit then 9 times out of 10 someone will create their own. I’m not going to say that my path is unique, but it’s mine. And that’s what matters.

My path has some of the basic points I find that a lot of paths do. I believe in a God and a Goddess, I see them in everything and although when I connect to them I see them as human formed individuals I do not necessarily believe that they are humanoids sat on clouds awaiting our wishes. I believe that they will appear to us in forms that are either comforting to us or less obtrusive. So perhaps they come to me as animals as opposed to just appearing in a human form going “cooee, look at me!” I think that would scare me to death to be honest. I largely feel them instead of see them. I know they are there when I feel their radiating love though nature or elements or what have you. Sometimes just in the middle of the night, perhaps when I need some reassurance. Yes, I’m a witch that’s scared of the dark, shush.

I do believe in magick, it’s something I have a great interest in and it is something I am currently researching. I’m looking into the science of magick, so that’s a lot of physics. So I'm engrossed in Stephen Hawking at the moment. I think that too many people are just generally accepting of magick, it is there, it works. But I want to know why it works, how it works and what laws, if we know of them, control it. Once I have got so far as to having an understanding and a way of putting it into words I will put that up here as I can't be the only one interested in the science behind magick!

The main difference in my path than others, I find, is that although I will follow the principles of harm none, I'm not sure how far I believe in the "what goes out comes back". I don't think it comes back threefold, I don't see there being harm in doing a little something for yourself. Naturally I'm a kind person and so I would never do something that would go against someones will, love spells for me are a huge no-no. Equally, I am highly unlikely to curse someone. So I suppose my morals probably aren't any further than most pagans and witches.

I am largely nature based, I would rather be outside than inside, though sometimes nature conspires against me and inside is best (hayfever :( ). I can’t begin to explain how I feel when I am truly enveloped in nature. I feel the love of the God and the Goddess certainly, I just feel an immense happiness. Like nothing in the world could stop me feeling that way. When I’m down, I only need to go and hug a tree to get back up again. And that t me is probably the most important part of my path, the nature aspect, it helps me, it helps those around me and it helps the world. The energies that our mother and father put out there for us are the best magick of all.

I’m not 100% sure where this blog is going to end up. Expect pictures, expect me to get things wrong, expect the unexpected! Whenever I have an experience, a thought, a ritual, a finding, or just want to coo over the newest crystal, I’ll post here.

Thank you for reading.

Blessings x