I've been thinking of wanting to blog for a week or so now but I had no idea where to start. I feel like I've started going through a bit of a spiritual shift. Whether this is an actual shift or whether it's because it's the "witchy" time of the year, I'm not sure. To start, let's go back to something I said in 2014 on Facebook.
I'm not going to lie, until some time this year I also thought I was possibly off my rocker. Perhaps I still am but I feel I have now gone beyond this point.
Around the time I made this post I decided to take a step further into my social spirituality and joined a bunch of groups on Social Media. I made a few friends in there and felt I generally got on with them pretty well. At the least I felt like I was part of something and while I wasn't doing much in terms of spiritual practice I could chat about beliefs and read the thoughts of like-minded souls and I enjoyed it. They became my support network, certainly for 2015 where I wasn't able to go to any events, although I did get the chance to spend time in Glastonbury but wasn't as full on spiritual as I would have liked to have been due to being weighed down by some form of expectation that I was going to be hit by a bolt from the blue and a major spark of inspiration that didn't really happen. Perhaps that's another blog.
2016 has been a much different year for me. I've had more involvement in some pagan groups, I've already been to a conference, a camp where I was a speaker, have written a couple of magazine articles and contributed to a book. I also have Witchfest on the horizon and I really can't wait for the energy that that is going to bring to my life. As part of the year, the writing aspect has gone hand in hand with a lot of introspection. The articles and talk I did were all based on my own experiences and my own spirituality and it is a lot of what I was going through or really still am going through.
The feelings of being a fraud, I feel, tie in to my Facebook post to a degree. Either I feel like a fraud or that I am off my rocker, or I end up stepping away after such questioning periods. They're healthy though, again, things I've gone through in the past or things that tinge what I am currently going through.
As I said I feel like I am going through a bit of a spiritual shift and that shift seems to be someone telling me "no fucking bullshit". I've grown tired of a lot of the online pagan community, mostly people in groups who post more "new age" aspects which I do not feel directly link to a lot of the groups core messages. If I saw one more post of "here is a picture of a lamp I bought, can you tell me if you have any messages for me?" No. Fuck off. Go visit psychic Sally if that's what you want. Don't get me wrong, there is a place for that kind of thing if its what you want but not in a page of fucking hedge witchery. Likewise, I do not need to see photographs of the intimate practices you do with your significant other, nor do I need to know the exact details of where you sprinkle the "sacred love salt". Apparently reporting that to Facebook didn't class it as nudity...
So aside from cutting out the groups that no longer serve me, and I have to question if they ever actually did, I am moving away from a lot of stupid influences and surrounding myself with aspects of the community that are the same on the "no fucking bullshit" persuasion. I've found myself watching a lot more youtube videos and seeking out people on there who really know their shit, like Kelly-Ann Maddox and Joey Morris from Starry Eyed Supplies. I'm still keeping some of my original influences like Pagyptsian and Laura Daligan but I certainly need some oomph in my path and practices and all four of those people are certainly people who can inspire that within me.
The other part of the shift for me, and again, this is linked intrinsically, I feel, with the "no fucking bullshit" part. I've thought of setting up a small part of daily practice which is not something I currently do. My path is mostly I'll do it when I feel like it which hast got me by pretty much most of the time. I felt like doing something through the week and it was simply sitting outside, with a candle, chatting to the Goddess. I didn't call her by name, I sat and I wittered on about all my problems and everything else when I just came out with "Goddess, Morrigan, help me." And I stopped. And I thought "what the actual fuck".
I have recently noticed an increase of Morrigan in my life, either in the videos I've watched or the people who I have followed or art I've been drawn to. So I don't know if it's part of that but since I called on Morrigan part of me is all fuck yeah warrior energy in the parts of my life where I have needed it. It's mainly been my spirituality and where I am wanting to go with that but there are aspects where something is telling me that I am so not happy in other parts of my life and telling me to change them. I know there is going to end up being a fucktonne of introspection again there and some deep shit but I am ready. The war paint is to hand and I am so fucking ready to move past the shit that's weighing me down and go into a new phase of where I should be.
I have no idea how long Morrigan is going to be there in my life, I know she comes and goes as she pleases and as and when she knows I need her but this is it. Dark Goddess in the Dark half of the year.
Bring it on.